“My husband is a workaholic and I feel very lonely in this marriage.” – Times of India

Her story: My husband is too addicted to his work and he forgets the world aroud him. I feel very lonely in this marriage. I am a homemaker with a 5-year-old and my entire day goes into handling my child. I wait all evening to meet my husband but as soon as he comes back from work, he changes and goes into his study. We don’t even have meals together anymore. I feel like talking to him, going out with him, but he seems least interested. Could this be the end of our marriage? Please help.

His story: I am working very hard these days, juggling between different projects to earn a secure and stronger future. I am unable to spend time with my wife as a result and she feels I am not interested in her anymore. This is going to go on for a few more months and then I can demand a heavier pay cheque. I am planning to surprise my wife with an overseas trip! But how do I explain it to her that I just need a few weeks more and it will be sorted? I once saw her cry and that broke my heart. I went and hugged her but didn’t divulge details of my surprise… Is there a way to deal with this situation?
Expert advice: AiR Atman in Ravi, Spiritual Leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR center of Enlightenment

For Her:
If your husband is a workaholic, take it in the right spirit. Being a workaholic is much better than being an alcoholic or a drug addict and he is working so hard with so much effort for the sake of his family, for you people only. This is not the end of your marriage, rather it is a positive sign. My advice to you in this situation would be to pause for a moment, gather your thoughts and very patiently, calmly and with love, talk to him, and communicate what you feel. Ask him why he is doing what he is doing. Share your grievances in a manner that he doesn’t feel accused even after working so hard for his family. Share with him that you miss the times when you spoke about the day after his work and shared meals together or maybe went out for walks. Try and revive such moments together. You may realize that you were wrong in assuming that he is least interested. Remember! Marriage is not about ‘me’, it is all about ‘we’. A marriage is successful when two people live together and are not separate from each other. If they are, it will destroy the marriage.
For Him: If your wife is crying because you are busy with your work and she has started to think that you are not interested in her or this marriage anymore, then you are possibly facing a threat of the breakdown of your marriage.
You should not let a surprise destroy your relationship or your marriage. A healthy marriage is all about good communication. There are no secrets in a marriage. It is a relationship of transparency. What is the use of giving such a surprise if it means to give so much pain initially and damaging your relationship? If you have a dream of surprising her with an overseas trip, then surprise her with your plan and both of you can work towards it together, rather than delaying sharing your plan. Remember, your wife doesn’t understand what you are doing. So, you have to talk to her, spend time with her and communicate your love, care, and concern to her. It is your responsibility to make your wife feel loved and not let her feel lonely in marriage. Therefore, it is time for you to pause what you are doing, be transparent with her, share everything, and save your marriage from being doomed.
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