‘Focus on What Matters’: Darius Foroux’s stoic tips on how to be successful – Times of India

Living in a world where almost everything is beyond our control is scary. Putting our best efforts in the daily endeavours, yet knowing that we are all mere puppets in the hands of circumstances is quite a demotivator and is the primary reason behind mental stress and deep seated sadness and fear that most human beings experience. Darius Foroux‘s book ‘Focus on What Matters‘ is probably the kind of book we all need, for it teaches us acceptance, encourages us to live mindfully and trains us gradually to reach a stage where both joy and pain are equally welcome.

In an exclusive interview with us, Foroux leads us to the enlightening path ofstoicism. Excerpts:
1. Define Stoicism as you see it.
To me, Stoicism is a philosophy that encourages self-control and fortitude as methods to overcome destructive emotions. It teaches us to stay calm under pressure, accept what we cannot change, and focus our efforts where we can make a difference. It’s not about suppressing emotions, but understanding them and responding with reason.
2. Stoicism is accepting life in its totality. Don’t you think this makes stoics sad people?
Not at all! Stoicism doesn’t equate to sadness. It’s about accepting life as it comes, the good and the bad. For example, there are a lot of things about society we can’t change. If we try to resist and fight back, we only waste our energy. This type of acceptance can actually lead to serenity and peace, rather than sadness. It’s about finding joy in simplicity and understanding the transient nature of things.
3. What are the five things one can learn from Stoicism?
Five Lessons from Stoicism:
Control What You Can: Stoicism teaches us to focus on what we can control and let go of what we can’t.
Resilience: It encourages us to develop resilience in the face of adversity.
Mindfulness: It promotes living in the present moment, rather than worrying about the past or future.
Virtue is the Highest Good: Stoicism values virtues like wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance over material possessions.
Acceptance: It teaches us to accept life as it is, not as we wish it to be.

4. We derive both joy and pain from attachments. Don’t you think having a stoic approach in relationships can take away both?
Being stoic in relationships doesn’t mean you eliminate joy or pain. Instead, it helps you manage your reactions to them. You still experience love, joy, and connection, but you also understand that these feelings are temporary and changeable. It helps you smooth out the ups and downs.
5. Does Stoicism contradict the law of affirmation? In affirmation we desire something and we imagine that it has materialised. In Stoicism we at the first place do not desire at all and just accept the outcome.
Stoicism and affirmation aren’t necessarily contradictory. Stoics do have desires, but they don’t let those desires control them. Affirmations can help us visualize and achieve our goals, while Stoicism reminds us to remain detached from the outcome. In fact, the Stoics were quite ambitious themselves. Seneca was a very wealthy person. But the emphasis in Stoicism is never on outcomes like money. They said: You want to work towards something? Go for it. But don’t get down if you fail. Focus on the process and accept any out.
6. One of Seneca’s letters says: “Cease to hope and you will cease to fear”. But does this thought and belief not promote pessimism? What is life without hope and desire?
Stoicism isn’t about giving up hope or promoting pessimism. It’s about understanding the nature of life and accepting it. Hope and fear are two sides of the same coin – both hinge on uncertainty. By not clinging to both, we can live more fully in the present.
7. Aren’t stoics too hard on themselves?
Stoics can seem hard on themselves because they value discipline and self-control. For example, the most stringent Stoic, Musonius Rufus, definitely was a bit too hard on himself. But he didn’t say everyone has to live a stringent life. We can enjoy ourselves. But life is ultimately a balancing act. If we maintain a healthy balance, we get to enjoy life and still improve ourselves.
8. How does stoicism generate happiness?
Stoicism generates happiness by promoting acceptance and peace with what is. It helps us let go of unrealistic expectations and appreciate what we have. In a way, it makes us more grateful. And that gratitude gives you happiness.

9. Aren’t hope and faith the same? Is stoicism absence of faith?
Hope and faith are different to a Stoic. While hope is future-oriented, faith is about trust and acceptance. Hope is about wanting certain things in the future. Faith is about a feeling of stillness in the present moment. To me, the foundation of Stoicism is faith. Without faith, we can never stick to Stoic principles.
10. How can stoicism lead to success?
Stoicism can lead to success by teaching us resilience, focus, and the ability to remain calm under pressure. It helps us make rational decisions and not be swayed by fleeting emotions or failures. This level-headedness brings peace of mind. And you can now direct your newfound peace of mind towards your career. That increases the odds of succeeding.